GARAMASALAS EDITORS- These days, it’s easy to look around at the world and feel disheartened by what you see. With the current social and political climate, people worldwide are feeling hopeless. Among these dark, dark clouds, what better day to look for silver linings than Thanksgiving? Today is a day to stop and think about what you do have rather than what you don’t. It’s a day to look at your circumstances and be grateful for the people and things that bring joy and love into your life.

​Not everyone has all — or any — of the things many of us take for granted, like our families, friends and health. For those of you who are fortunate enough to have the extra time and/or money, the Garamasalas staff urges you to consider giving back this season and brightening the day of someone who is in a position less favorable than yours. We’ve created a list of acts of kindness that is versatile enough for everyone to choose at least one or two and help spread the love today. ​​
​

1. Smile and say hello to a stranger you pass by.
2. Give a genuine compliment to a cashier or server.
3. Put a surprise note in a loved one’s bag.
4. Pay for the person behind you in a drive-thru.
5. Write a small letter to your parents telling them how much you appreciate them.
6. Hold the door for the people behind you.
7. Make cards for soldiers or people in the hospital.
8. Call someone you know who’s having a hard time and just listen to them for as long as they’d like.
9. Tell someone face-to-face how much they mean to you.
10. Make blankets to donate to hospitals or homeless shelters.
11. Cook a meal or do a load of laundry for a loved one who’s going through a tough time
12. Let the person behind you at the supermarket checkout with one or two items go ahead of you.
13. Volunteer or donate to a food bank.
14. Put sticky notes with positive messages on the mirrors in restrooms.
15. Play board games with senior citizens at a nursing home (sixty percent of them will never have a visitor during their stay).
16. Give someone who's crying in public a tissue, and offer to listen to them if they’re comfortable with it.
17. Tell a customer service rep that you appreciate their hard work and hope they have a wonderful day.
18. Compliment someone in front of others.
19. Create a playlist for someone you care about.
20. Apologize to someone with whom you don’t get along.
21. Say yes at the store when the cashier asks if you want to donate $1 to a cause.
22. Give a hug to someone you know and just say thank you.
23. Call your mom.
24. Gather some friends and pick up trash along a particularly litter-filled street in your town.
25. Make a little extra food as you’re cooking and share it with someone who needs a fresh meal.​

​If you’re searching for food to share, look no further! Each member of the Garamasalas team has shared their favorite Thanksgiving recipe for you to enjoy.

​This signature stuffing recipe comes from Madeline's great-grandmother and has been passed down through her family for generations. It stems from the belief that the turkey isn't the only thing that makes Thanksgiving great. 

Every year Praneeka’s family makes traditional Thanksgiving dishes with an Indian twist. In place of the traditional turkey, try out their aloo-stuffed chicken this year! For more of her adapted recipes, check out our previous Thanksgiving post.

Non-veg recipes not your style? Try Shail’s family paneer tikka masala. One of the richest vegetarian recipes in Indian cuisine, this timeless favorite is sure to satisfy even the pickiest of palates.

On auspicious days, it is customary in Indian culture to distribute sweets among family, friends, and strangers. Most often, the sweets being shared are bite-sized spheres made of fried gram flour called ladoos. Make a batch at home and share the love! ​

​This year, the Garamasalas staff is thankful for all of you. Every click, every view, every share means so much to us. We couldn't do this without your continued support. Thank you, and happy Thanksgiving from our family to yours. 

illustration credit: debracartwright

P.R. -

/one year before/
a narrow alleyway

my footsteps i couldn't hear at all
but just like the music filling my ears
they were upbeat
happy
confident

three shadows

my footsteps i couldn't hear at all
but just like my heartbeat
they were gaining speed
uneasiness
trepidation

a hand on my neck
fingers pulling down my dress zipper

my footsteps i couldn't hear at all
but just like my voice
they would not budge
lost
empty

another emerging shadow
a woman

my footsteps i couldn't hear at all
but i could hear
the handful of words
​the woman yelled at me

my footsteps i couldn't hear at all
but just like the tears
streaming down my cheeks
they were fast
racing
an escape

/since then/
every moment

every instance of interaction
with tall men hindered
because of my assaulters

every occasion of choosing
whether or not to wear vibrant colors
because of being assaulted in a bright pink dress

every street, every corner
my footsteps i couldn't hear at all
but i could feel them
numb
distraught

/now/
i am still hurting
but the difference:
i am healing
i shall not be weakened

i can finally hear my footsteps.

illustration credit: tara o brien 

she's not the same colour
​as ivory and pearls

what a shame.

she looks of the night sky
​instead of the moon

what a shame.

she should have stayed out of the sun
she should have done whatever it takes

what a shame.

​it's a curse

i can't be beautiful
i can't be comfortable
i simply must endure

the mistreatment
the judgment
​the criticism

even to dark men
dark girls can't win

even if he's darker than the skin i'm in
​to be with a dark-skinned girl is a sin

in their eyes
​i'm only almost pretty

if i weren't so dark
i might be worth
​love and appreciation
​care and admiration

instead i'm just
tolerated

i want to be taught how to love myself
not to better myself

​
​my complexion

not a definition of my character
my accomplishments
​my being

my skin

the color of a chestnut seed
coffee with no cream
dark toffee
bubbling caramelized sugar
earthy mahogany wood

my identity

much more
​than the pigment of my skin

​
​on the outside

you're porcelain
frost
​cotton

i'm cocoa
buckwheat honey
gingerbread

on the inside

​we're both

nothing but blood red.

illustration credit​: almondmilkchild

PRANEEKA, RAGINI, & SHIVANI- Summer is the most anticipated time of the year, and it's officially here! For many, the season brings with it an opportunity to take a break from working and just relax. It's a time to sit by the pool, sip lemonade, and spend time with friends. These playlists are for chill days like those. Whether you're lying in a hammock, reading a book by the lake, or just staying in, these songs are here to help you unwind.

PRANEEKA & SHIVANI- tamil playlist // note: yelani is a tamil word for tender coconut water.

RAGINI- hindi playlist // note: lassi is a popular indian yogurt-based drink.

MADELINE- Long-distance friendships are far easier than they used to be. Forty years ago, if you wanted to stay in touch with someone who lived far away, you were restricted to phone calls and hand-written letters that are considered personal and cute now, but were strictly practical back then.

But with the advent of cell phones and texting, and, more recently, video chatting, Snapchat, and Facebook, you can Skype your friend in California who wants to show off her new dress, and you can see what your friend from Toronto had for breakfast on his Snapchat story. Everything is so up close and personal - we can share the most minute details of our lives with people halfway across the world. It seems that it would be easy to keep up with a friend who lives far away.

So why is it still so hard? If you graduate and stop seeing someone every day, or someone moves away, you'll probably still drift apart from them, even if you can see pictures of them on Snapchat drinking a low-fat cappuccino while they highlight their Bible in random places. It's true that technology has made long-distance friendships infinitely easier in some ways, but in others, it seems just as difficult as it was back in the olden days. How do people do it?

To answer this question, we've decided to compile a series of interviews between two pairs of long-distance friends: Shail and Praneeka, and Patrick and Ragini.

PRANEEKA- 

"If any part of our body is sick, we go to the doctor
But no one goes to the doctor when their mind is sick
As if the mind is not part of the body at all." --Shah Rukh Khan as Dr. Jehangir in Dear Zindagi

On January 27, 2013, Shreya’s parents informed my friends and me that Shreya* had “passed away due to unknown causes.”

What her parents did not tell us is that Shreya attempted suicide and succeeded. She killed herself.

Oh sorry, did I say the “s” word? Is it hard for you to stomach? Does it make you flinch a little bit? My question to you is: why? Why does it hurt to say words like suicide, depression, self-harm, and therapy? Why are we silent on these things when they are becoming increasingly common in our culture?

My friend was every Indian family's poster child; she was a beautiful, bright student who had plans to pursue a career in medicine and knew how to make everyone around her feel good about themselves. Everyone thought, why would such a perfect girl even think of ending her life? I read a news article about my friend’s mother answering a similar question and the following was her response:

“My daughter never told me anything. She never said anything about being depressed or any of that nonsense. The only mildly concerning thing she ever said was that she didn’t think her career path in becoming a doctor was right for her. That was solved though because [my husband and I] told her to keep going and push through. She was doing well the last time I checked, but now it’s all gone. We don’t know what to do or say. Our family back home [in India] doesn’t know about this yet, and we don’t know how to tell them. What are they going to think?” She fades off to a mumble, tears forming in her eyes.

I hope you found many problems with what this woman said. One. She dismissed the idea of depression in such a condescending manner. Two. Instead of properly addressing their child’s request for help, the parents continued to push the girl into doing something she did not wish to pursue. Three. She prioritized family reputation over her own daughter.

A few days after Shreya committed suicide, the police found Shreya’s journal and went through the text messages left on her phone. Her diary consisted of dark poems and doodles, and texts with friends included statements such as “my mind feels blank,” “I feel trapped,” and “I’m scared of my parents” scattered in their conversations. None of this evidence came as a surprise to me; I knew all about this side of Shreya. This girl was far from perfect! She regularly had panic attacks. Instead of becoming a doctor, she wanted to become a journalist. Her parents had more control of her life than she ever did. She didn’t magically change her outlook on life just like that, as her parents had claimed. Her mental health gradually deteriorated until she could take no more. It is horrible to say, but it all added up.

You might ask, why didn’t Shreya just ask for help? The answer lies in the ingrained behaviors that make up our community’s lifestyle. Mental health did not become a concern for many immigrant South Asians until they moved from their respective countries. In a 2004 study, an immigrant Indian woman subject exclaims, “We didn’t know what the meaning of depression was. We only heard about it, now here we know what the meaning of depression is.” The woman went on to explain how there is more accessibility to mental health services in the western world than there is back home: “In India we would only visit the doctor when we are sick. Here [in North America], even if you are healthy we still go for a checkup.” She also discusses South Asians’ affinity with using home remedies instead of seeking traditional medication because they are “uncomfortable with the notion of seeking medical help more regularly,” and would avoid burdening others. In a report from the US Surgeon General, it has been found that Asian Americans are “more likely to exhibit complaints of depression than are African Americans or whites, but Asians are thought to deny the experience and expression of emotions.” Due to this restricting stereotype, Asian Americans have “the lowest rates of utilization of mental health services among ethnic populations.” Rather than being emotionally honest, we would rather prefer silence and internalize our pain so we won’t be perceived as weak.

South Asians also subscribe to what is known as a model minority stereotype. Our community includes some of the highest-income, best-educated, and fastest-growing individuals in North America and places higher value on marriage, hard work, and career success compared to other Americans. High expectations are forced upon and extreme success stories are thrown as unrealistic comparisons at the future generations of South Asians. My brown friends, you know what I’m talking about. Vidhya got a National Academics Award for getting a perfect score on the math section of the SAT in seventh grade. Abhi took the MCAT two years early and is already in medical school. Sanjana got an MBA at Yale University and now earns $250k a year. Due to these sorts of extraordinary examples, their understanding of what most professions entail is skewed and now anecdotal. Raziman, a nanophotonics postdoc, states that South Asian parents “hear that so and so professions have good job security, earn enough money, and are well respected in society. Money, security, and status are buzzwords that every parent drools over. As a result, they tend to disregard their child’s passion as the stupidity of youth, and enforces their wishes on them.” Parents force their children into becoming cookie cutter copies of their exemplary peers, all eventually becoming doctors and engineers. They fail to understand that not all children can be thrown into this mass manufacturing of STEM career-focused professionals. Other jobs not relating to mathematics and science are looked down upon and are thought to not hold as high of a reputation in society. Much to our community’s disbelief, there are outstanding South Asian individuals in non-STEM fields, too! Just to name a few: Aziz Ansari, Mindy Kaling, Hasan Minhaj, Dev Patel, Sameer Gadhia, Anchal Joseph, Pico Iyer, Padma Lakshmi, Norah Jones, Nav, Fareed Zakaria, Pooja Kumar. The list goes on and on. It is important for parents to realize and guide their children to do something they would enjoy for a long period of time. If they are forced to pursue a career they are not passionate about merely for the status and security, they will not be true to themselves for their rest of their lives and will eventually emotionally burn out.

In South Asian cultures, there are beliefs that drive this stigma of mental illness. For instance, it is presumed that mental illness occurs because individuals are too weak to deal with such problems and can be cured by free will. However, mental illnesses are like any other medical disorder: they cannot simply be controlled by the suffering individual. There is no way humans can attain perfection; we all have mental struggles. There is no value to you in staying silent about your pain and no shame in asking for professional help and/or medicine. Even if you may be perceived as weak or you are putting your reputation on the line to save yourself, I highly advise you to take action. My friend Shreya deserved the world in return for the things she did for me. Every day I regret not offering help when she needed it most, so this post is the least I can do for her. I use her story to shed light on how ignorant our community is in terms of aiding those with mental illness. Listed below are some online resources available for South Asians who need helpful information regarding mental health.

Please take care of yourself, my friends.

RESOURCES (thanks to reclaimthebindi):

• Self-Care Masterpost
• Suicide Prevention Lifeline
• SAMHAA
• MySahana
• SAMHAJ
• CHAI
• South Asian Network (SAN)
• Heart Mind International
• MannMukti​

*Name has been changed to protect subject’s confidentiality.

RAGINI- This time last year I had pretty high hopes for 2016. Little did I know this year would turn out to be one of the most notoriously awful years in recent history. After Brexit, a Trump presidential nomination, and the passing of several iconic celebrities, I think we're all looking for a break from the constant L's 2016 has been giving us. Before we start setting our expectations for 2017, however, let's step back and look at some of the things that made this year personally more tolerable.

• social media used the most​​​​: snapchat
• favorite phone game: endless lake
• inspirational icon who rose to fame this year: Nathan Zed
• major lifestyle change: learned how to drive
• saddest news: Trump becoming president
• best news: the ice bucket challenge actually funded an ALS breakthrough
• saddest moment: leaving UNT
• best moment: road trip to Austin
• describe 2016 in one word: yuck
• describe what you expect/want to achieve in 2017 in one word: ​organization

• social media used the most​​​​: snapchat
• favorite phone game: 8-ball
• inspirational icon who rose to fame this year: Demetrius Harmon
• major lifestyle change: took a gap semester before college
• saddest news: Trump becoming president
• best news: giant pandas are no longer endangered
• saddest moment: first car accident
• best moment: going to India after 11 years
• describe 2016 in one word: YIKES
• describe what you expect/want to achieve in 2017 in one word: ​focus​

• social media used the most​​​​: Tumblr
• favorite phone game: Neko Atsume
• inspirational icon who rose to fame this year: Ted Cruz
• major lifestyle change: going to a new school
• saddest news: Trump becoming president
• best news: the story of Dimdim, the penguin who swims 5,000 miles a year every year to visit the man who saved his life
• saddest moment: leaving TAMS graduation and all of my TAMS friends I'll probably never see again
• best moment: turning in my physics final
• describe 2016 in one word: heck
• describe what you expect/want to achieve in 2017 in one word: ​quiet

Happy new year from all of us at Garamasalas! We hope this year brings you the happiness and success you deserve!

PRANEEKA- Another year has come to an end. As with every other year, there have been many great days and not so great ones. Change. Success. Failure. However, December 31 is always the most hopeful. We use this day to believe that the next 365 days to come will bring forth better outcomes and habits. Although many people fail to truly achieve their resolutions, the fact that we simply have so much faith that everything will get better makes me happy. We acknowledge our flaws and believe that we can overcome them. We attempt to become better humans. With all of the devastating events going on around the world, there are still people out there who want to reach a state of optimism and personal improvement.  They believe. That truly amazes me. So, this year I want to challenge you. Instead of plainly making a resolution, think of something small that you lacked this year and find an actual method that will help you achieve it. Without some work, you won't get any pleasing results. Plus, having a small, attainable goal will actually give you a sense of accomplishment and completion. I did that this year, and it paid off. My goal was to keep a journal and consistently write in it. I put some effort, and it really benefitted me both physically and emotionally. See? Anything small and achievable. It can still go a long way.

Madeline, Ragini, and I did a small questionnaire below to show you a piece of how our year was. This year was pretty gross for all of us, but our friendship kept us going. As you can see with our favorite things, we have influenced each other in many ways. We have accomplished so much, and we're only going to look forward. It's been a ride. We only have one more semester together before we all separate ways to different colleges, but we're going to make the best of it! We will definitely be posting all of our adventures on here, don't worry. Thank you guys for supporting us. This blog has helped us build a stronger friendship. It's helped us find many new friends. Most importantly, it's helped us become better individuals. We hope that we can keep this going for a very long time. 

Here's to your triumphs. Here's to the obstacles you've faced. Here's to the many people you've met along your journey. Keep your head high and keep it going. Happy new year from your GARAMASALAS pals!

1. favorite musical artists
2. favorite songs
3. favorite musical albums
4. favorite tv shows
5. favorite movies
6. social media used the most
7. favorite phone game
8. inspirational icon who rose to fame this year
9. major lifestyle change
10. saddest news
11. best news
12. saddest moment
13. best moment
14. describe 2015 in one word
15. describe what you expect/want to achieve in 2016 in one word

PRANEEKA- 

"Hey, look at that girl. Isn't she pretty?"
"Oh yeah, but too bad she's dark."

These are words that two boys whispered about me when I passed by them. Too bad she's dark. Wow. What started out as an uplifting comment crashed down in an instant because I possessed what they believed to be an unappealing skin tone. Imagine being constantly belittled because of a characteristic you cannot change. I am a victim of a type of discrimination that many people are not aware of. I am a victim of a sort of prejudice that the media advocates by barraging our society with notions of what it believes is desirable and undesirable. I am a victim of what is known as colorism.

Colorism is the practice of discrimination based on skin color. It provides disadvantages to dark-skinned individuals and advantages to light-skinned ones. Recently, this form of oppression has been getting more and more prevalent in economic, social, and cultural institutions. Dark-skinned people are commonly viewed as less capable and beautiful. In South Asia specifically, lighter-skinned men and women are more favorable in many aspects. 

The discrimination began due to the implementation of the Caste system and Aryan traditions practiced by the British during its imperialism in India. Now, colorism is regularly seen in Indian pop culture, such as Bollywood films; the relation between dark skin color and ugliness or evil are evident in many South Asian movies and cultural commodities. Advertisers regard it as an effective marketing strategy for selling skin bleaching creams. Men take it into account when choosing their brides for arranged marriages. It is even seen in Indian school textbooks and other sources of curriculum. It is time for this persecution to come to an end.

​Because of our peers, magazines, billboards, and advertisements, we are ingrained with the notion that having light skin would be an ideal advantage in every situation. But why are fairer desis praised for their appearance when darker desis who bear the same features are considered ugly? In a social experiment I came across, five men were shown two pictures: one of a light-skinned Indian woman with a rather plain appearance and one of a dark-skinned woman with a stunning visage. They had to choose which one they considered more beautiful. ALL five men selected the light-skinned woman. This absolutely disgusts me. This bigotry has been cycled down for so many generations, and I am amazed that it is not tiring for us to idolize the same type of people.

An opposer of colorism in another blog beautifully asks, "You all claim to be so progressive, to consider every skin tone beautiful. But where is that mindset when you benefit so much from being fair while your darker sisters get torn apart every day?" You see, our worth is degraded. We are at a social, or even an economical, disadvantage. Society will give us a certain level of privilege based on skin tone, which is, once again, an inalterable trait! If you believe that a dark person cannot be successful, go educate yourself right now. Look up Mindy Kaling. Aziz Ansari. Suraj Sharma. Archana Kumar. All of these notable people have stated in interviews that they hard to work twice as hard as their light-skinned competitors to earn their positions as actors, singers, and other careers they pursue in. But they do not regret having dark skin; it helped them move forward with more confidence and determination in achieving their aspirations. So for my fellow chocolate-skinned friends out there, don't take Priyanka Chopra's or Shah Rukh Khan's tempting advice on using fairness creams and skin bleaching products. Don't fall into the hands of societal pressure. Most importantly, don't apologize for your skin tone. God would not have created different skin tones without a reason at hand. Think of your gift of melanin as a blessing, because it truly is. 

This began as a post-finals playlist but it's actually perfect for any gathering, car ride, or solo dance party. Whether you're celebrating or looking for a way to ease your worries, do it the Indian way: by blasting some mast or kuthu songs and dancing your heart out. Remember, abhi to party shuru hui hai (the party's just begun); it's kondatta neram (time to party)!

PRANEEKA- And so the celebrations begin! The period between thanksgiving and new year's eve is my absolute favorite time of the year due to a number of reasons: the time I get to share with my family, the cold weather, the multicultural holidays, and most importantly, the food. Ever since I was young, my family enjoyed adding an Indian flair to typical American dishes. I grew to appreciate our quirky tradition since it serves as a remembrance of my roots and they should stay imperative even when we are assimilating into the American culture. Because of my experiences, I wanted to do the same for you guys! Do you want to put something better than those ordinary dinner rolls on the table? Do you wish to surprise your guests with a flavorful meal that they will never forget? If you are the least bit interested, look no further! Here below are some recipes of dishes the Garamasalas staff believed would be great alternatives to traditional holiday meal foods. I hope every one of you has a warm and happy thanksgiving, and wonderful rest of the holiday season!

RAGINI, PRANEEKA, & ARTHI- Finally! After so long, we finally had the time to do part 2 of our indian clothing series! (Pssst, if you haven't checked out part 1, no worries. Just click here!)

Let's start with Arthi's clothing first. Arthi is wearing the orange-accented turquoise dress known as a langa voni, daavani, or half sari. The langa voni is worn by teenage girls between puberty and marriage. It consists of a skirt worn during childhood called a paavadai, and a sari blouse and drape, which is worn during womanhood. As you can see, the half sari symbolizes the transition into adulthood.

Meanwhile, Praneeka is wearing a deep violet, silk dress known as a sari. There are three parts of a sari: a petticoat, blouse, and a six to nine feet-long drape. The blouse is usually short-sleeved and cropped just above the stomach (like a tight crop top). The drape is tucked into the petticoat and worn over the blouse. Each region in India has its own types of saris based on its climate and fabric weaving styles; for instance, Praneeka is wearing a Kanchipuram sari, which is primarily worn in the region of Tamil Nadu. The distinct patterns and designs on the garment represent different virtues and the region the person came from. The sari is a prominent symbol of India and its vibrant culture.

Both Arthi and Praneeka are wearing sets of bangles, called gajulu in Telugu and valaiyal in Tamil, and traditional bindis called pottus. 

We've been getting a lot of positive feedback on this photo series. Thank you so much. We really hope you're looking forward to our futures posts!