MADELINE- Long-distance friendships are far easier than they used to be. Forty years ago, if you wanted to stay in touch with someone who lived far away, you were restricted to phone calls and hand-written letters that are considered personal and cute now, but were strictly practical back then.
But with the advent of cell phones and texting, and, more recently, video chatting, Snapchat, and Facebook, you can Skype your friend in California who wants to show off her new dress, and you can see what your friend from Toronto had for breakfast on his Snapchat story. Everything is so up close and personal - we can share the most minute details of our lives with people halfway across the world. It seems that it would be easy to keep up with a friend who lives far away.
So why is it still so hard? If you graduate and stop seeing someone every day, or someone moves away, you'll probably still drift apart from them, even if you can see pictures of them on Snapchat drinking a low-fat cappuccino while they highlight their Bible in random places. It's true that technology has made long-distance friendships infinitely easier in some ways, but in others, it seems just as difficult as it was back in the olden days. How do people do it?
To answer this question, we've decided to compile a series of interviews between two pairs of long-distance friends: Shail and Praneeka, and Patrick and Ragini.
But with the advent of cell phones and texting, and, more recently, video chatting, Snapchat, and Facebook, you can Skype your friend in California who wants to show off her new dress, and you can see what your friend from Toronto had for breakfast on his Snapchat story. Everything is so up close and personal - we can share the most minute details of our lives with people halfway across the world. It seems that it would be easy to keep up with a friend who lives far away.
So why is it still so hard? If you graduate and stop seeing someone every day, or someone moves away, you'll probably still drift apart from them, even if you can see pictures of them on Snapchat drinking a low-fat cappuccino while they highlight their Bible in random places. It's true that technology has made long-distance friendships infinitely easier in some ways, but in others, it seems just as difficult as it was back in the olden days. How do people do it?
To answer this question, we've decided to compile a series of interviews between two pairs of long-distance friends: Shail and Praneeka, and Patrick and Ragini.
| SHAIL- Q: When did you meet? A: Praneeka and I met in the eighth grade thanks to the lovely Ms. Gutierrez, our Spanish 1 Pre-AP teacher. Q: How did you meet? A: Well, Ms. Gutierrez often had these exercises in which she’d have people get up and recite a few words from the screen. During one of these, the girl next to me, Praneeka, butchered one of the words, and I have given her a hard time ever since. As for when I first saw her, it was the second day of class. The first day I was too focused on finding an available seat and finishing my assignments. I must say, poking her on her back and teasing her was by far one of the best memories I have of middle school. She didn’t seem to like it very much. Q: Where do you each live? A: I attend the University of Texas at San Antonio, and Praneeka goes to the University of Texas at Dallas. As for when we’re home, Praneeka lives in Dallas; I live in Houston. Q: Do you have any distinct nicknames for each other? A: Oh my gosh, yes. PRASNEAKERS. Q: What’s your favorite memory together? A: Surprising the hell out of her after 4 years of never seeing each other. Actually, I still remember the first time we facetimed after about 2 years of just texting. I talked about outfits. It was so spontaneous. Q: How did it affect your friendship when you separated? Did it put a strain on your relationship? A: To be honest, this question highlights the significance of the relationship Praneeka and I have. Meaning, distance strained our relationship so much that - at one given point - we were no more than mere acquaintances. Feelings of animosity resonated between us. She felt that I wasn’t putting enough effort into our friendship, and I felt that this was an unfair judgement as I’ve never really been one to text all too frequently. A lesson I’ve learned from this is that it’s in the most desperate, dark, shattered moments that we come to realize who we truly are. From there, we build, mold, adjust, adapt, and shine ever so brightly. So yes. At one given point, we were barely friends. But now we’ve struck our balance, and I don’t see her ever being anything less than my best friend. Q: How do you make time to keep in touch? A: HA. I suck at this. The thing is, I didn’t. At first, especially. Now, she’s become such an integral aspect of my life that I don’t have to “make” time for her. She’s a huge part of it. Whenever I’m overly stressed, she’s my go-to. Perhaps I have something to get off my chest; there she is. If I’m excited and don’t know who to tell - what better option than my best friend? Keeping in touch is never a burden anymore and I love that about our friendship now. Q: You’ve been friends for a long time. Do you feel like you know everything about each other or are there still things left to discover? A: Disregarding the fact that I’m a horrible friend and often forget the simplest of things, I will never stop discovering things about Praneeka Raman. From the way she sees the world to the hobbies she pursues, she’s a dynamic woman who simply has more depth to her than the mind can comprehend. Q: Do you have any advice for people worried about losing touch with their friends who are moving? A: Make. Time. For. Them. I hated it, and you probably do, too, but it’s an important part of maintaining a healthy friendship. Genuinely take care of them. Facetime them (texting sucks). Is it their birthday? Write a letter (yes, a physical one using actual pen and paper) to them. Perhaps it’s your friend-anniversary. Celebrate it! Don’t have one? Make one up! Just continue to show them the love and care they deserve. Friends truthfully keep us grounded and sane. Without them, the world would crush us. OH, side note: Snapchat doesn’t necessarily count. Q: In one line, addressing your best friend, say something you’ve always wanted to tell them. A: A million lines would not be enough to express what I have to say to her, so how can one? Alas, I shall try. Praneeka, imagine the weight of a thousand worlds, and you’ll have an idea as to how much influence and significance your word has on my life. Thank you. | PRANEEKA- Q: When did you meet? A: Shail and I met in the beginning of 8th grade and have been friends ever since. Q: How did you meet? A: We technically met on the first day of the infamous Señora Gutierrez’s Spanish I class. Our teacher said we could choose our seats because she was heavily against the idea of assigned seating. My friends and I conveniently grouped together in one area of the classroom, but there was one empty seat next to me. Mrs. Gutierrez began class rambling in Spanish as an attempt to wow us with “the power of language.” She was in the middle of a sentence that, at the time, was nonsensical to us when Shail loudly opened the door. Since he was late and there weren’t many open seats in the room, he quickly chose to sit at the vacant desk right next to me. Since then, what started as a series of forced interactions practicing mediocre Spanish has now become one of the best friendships of my life. Q: Where do you each live? A: I live in Dallas and currently study at UTD. Shail used to live in Dallas as well, but he later moved to Houston and now goes to UTSA. Q: Do you have any distinct nicknames for each other? A: It’s so hard to make an original nickname for this boy! Shimmy, Jimbo, Jimbotron, Jimbalaya, Jimothy, Jimmy Neutron...just to name a few. (I have many more, but he just doesn’t know about them hehe.) Q: What’s your favorite memory together? A: I actually have two favorite memories. First one: with the help of my other best friend Ragini, he coordinated a surprise visit to see me for the first time in four years. It was on the day of my hardest final, so I was very emotionally drained, but he made me feel better instantly. We had only kept up with each other through text and Snapchat for years, but our relationship honestly didn’t feel real until this day. Second one is kind of a continuous memory: every year we try to send long and sentimental messages/letters on each others’ birthdays. Because of school and other commitments, it’s hard for us to keep in touch, so this is the one time of year we can just put everything out there. I don’t know if I can speak for Shail, but it’s something I look forward to every year. We’ve successfully done this for five consecutive years, and hopefully we can keep the tradition going! Q: How did it affect your friendship when you separated? Did it put a strain on your relationship? A: When Shail and I were becoming friends in the beginning of our 8th grade year, he warned me not to get too close because he was moving to Houston in the summer. However, we naturally spent a lot of time getting to know each other and became close friends. Summer came and he had to move, which was devastating for me. We didn’t know if we would be able to see each other again and if our friendship would even last. Our fears did become a reality for a while; we never actually saw each other in person during the entirety of our high school career. We attempted to text, snap, and call whenever we got the chance, but I was still scared that we would drift apart someday due to the distance. At one point I felt like I was forcing a friendship between us because I would text him too much and I wouldn’t get any sort of reply. Communication got difficult at times, which caused misunderstandings. We momentarily drifted apart, just as I thought we would. We could have easily given up on each other right then and there, but we ended up doing the exact opposite. In order for us to regain our friendship, we had step out of our comfort zones. I had to voice out my concerns even when it was uncomfortable for me, while Shail had to open up more about his life and be willing to talk about it. It was definitely difficult at first, but now our bond has mended and is stronger than ever before. Just a year ago, I thought our broken relationship was too far gone and could not be saved. Boy, was I wrong. To this very day, Shail is the first person I go to when I’m hitting low points in my life, and he never fails to be there for me when I need him most. Distance was the hardest obstacle we had to overcome, and I can now proudly say that we did it! Distance makes the heart tear into a million pieces but grow fonder in the end...that’s how the saying goes, right? Q: How do you make time to keep in touch? A: Before, I used to always make too much time to talk to him that it became unhealthy for both of us. Soon enough, I realized what was the missing piece of the puzzle: I needed to take a step back. I thought, well if he wanted to talk to me, then that’s up to him. I can’t force him. It resulted in a smoother friendship in which we could grow and support each other in a more natural way. Now, keeping in touch doesn’t feel like a chore. There’s nothing better than having a friendship that’s so effortless but also so worthwhile. Q: You’ve been friends for a long time. Do you feel like you know everything about each other or are there still things left to discover? A: This guy has changed so much in the past five years alone. Of all of my friends, Shail is the one human I love learning new things about. He has a depth to him that many people fail to appreciate. He is an open-minded person, so his personality is adaptable and ever changing. The one thing I know for certain is that Shail will always have a positive outlook on whatever the world throws at him. I trust that he won’t let negativity set him back and instead will push through to pursue what makes him truly happy. Q: Do you have any advice for people worried about losing touch with their friends who are moving? A: Friendship is all about balance and reciprocation. Communicate and support each other, but remember it’s also very important to respect each other’s space. Find ways other than texting and snapchatting to keep in touch. Calling or video chatting are excellent alternatives. If possible, take the chance and meet up in person every now and then. Read the same book and have a conversation about it. Watch a movie together via Internet. Be pen pals if you like to have things on paper instead of on a computer or phone. The possibilities are endless! The process is up to you, as long as you know how to prioritize and maintain your connection. Q: In one line, addressing your best friend, say something you’ve always wanted to tell them. A: Jimmy, when I first met you I didn’t know you were going to be this important to me; I hope we conquer whatever lies in store for us together as a team, forever and always. |
Photos by Akshar Patel
| PATRICK- Q: When did you meet? A: We met in 7th grade, but we became friends in 8th grade. Q: How did you meet? A: We met at a pep rally where we got into an argument about which one of us was more of a nerd. I won, and I continue to prove it to this day. Q: Where do you each live? A: Physically, I live in Ithaca, New York. Mentally, I live in the moment. Q: Do you have any distinct nicknames for each other? A: [Nickname redacted] Q: What’s your favorite memory together? A:I don't know if I can pinpoint a specific instance in time that was my favorite moment with Ragini because my friendship with her is a never-ending series of iconic moments, but the defining memory of our friendship — I think — is our Algebra II class sophomore year of high school. We incessantly snapped each other bad selfies from across the room, talked about whichever nerdy show we were watching, and, most importantly, never did our homework or paid attention. That class is probably where we became as close as we are now. Q: How did it affect your friendship when you separated? Did it put a strain on your relationship? A: Honestly, it didn’t. Ragini left for TAMS junior year of high school, and it was difficult not having my best friend there every day. However, Ragini and I have such similar personalities and a strong foundation that it was not difficult to remain friends. Despite being physically separated, our friendship began to grow even more. Although we haven’t lived in the same place for 3 years now and don’t see each other in person for months at a time, I think we’ve become like siblings to one another. Q: How do you make time to keep in touch? A: It’s not difficult to make time for something you enjoy. Ragini is the first person I go to when I need a pick me up. We send each other pictures, videos, tweets, and texts that honestly make our friendship feel like a comedy show — like Friends, but with millennials, and I have a habit of binge watching that kind of thing. Q: You’ve been friends for a long time. Do you feel like you know everything about each other or are there still things left to discover? A: I think we know each other's humor pretty well, but the defining characteristic of our friendship in my opinion is that we don’t try to pressure one another to behave a certain a way. For now, I don’t think we know everything about each other because our personalities aren’t done developing yet. However, I do think I know Ragini well enough to know that no matter who we are in a year or in 50, we’re still going to be there for each other. Q: Do you have any advice for people worried about losing touch with their friends who are moving? A: Don’t pressure yourselves to talk constantly. Give yourself and your friend room to grow, and you’ll stay in touch if your friendship is strong enough for you to be worried about losing touch. Q: In one line, addressing your best friend, say something you’ve always wanted to tell them. A: Ragini, I value your opinion of me above any other person’s. | RAGINI- Q: When did you meet? A: Pat and I met in seventh grade at Forestwood Middle School, but we didn’t become friends until eighth grade. Q: How did you meet? A: This is actually one of my favorite friendship origin stories. Patrick and I sat near each other at a pep rally towards the end of seventh grade. I, an unenthusiastic middle-schooler with stuff to do, had brought my math textbook and thought I was so different and weird for doing my homework at a pep rally. I was being really obnoxious about it and Patrick overheard. He and I then got in a full blown argument about who was nerdier: him for having taken the SAT in 7th grade, or me for bringing a textbook to the pep rally. Let it be known that I truly resented this kid at this point. That was our first and last fight. We met again in eighth grade when we were in the same science class. At first I didn’t recognize him as my archnemesis from the pep rally so we instantly became friends. By the time I realised that he was the guy I had gotten in the most ridiculous confrontation of all time with, we had become too close for me to harbor any resentment towards him. Q: Where do you each live? A: We both live in Flower Mound, Texas, but Patrick goes to Cornell in New York while I attend UT Dallas. Q: Do you have any distinct nicknames for each other? A: I have a ton of nicknames for him: Pat, Patty, Pattycake, Petrock, the list goes on and on. My friends also have a large variety of nicknames for me, but Patrick is the only one I allow to call me Ragi. We also joke that we’re twins because we were actually born on the same day, so all sibling-related nicknames are on the table. Q: What’s your favorite memory together? A: Patrick and I have celebrated our birthday together since eighth grade. This past year, on our 19th, we were 1500 miles apart and unable to wish each other in person for the first time in years. I was pretty upset about missing our tradition, so to make up for it, we FaceTimed late the night before our birthday and counted down to midnight in each of our time zones. He opened my gift and we went through birthday messages together; it was a great reminder that despite the distance we could still find ways to keep our friendship strong. Q: How did it affect your friendship when you separated? Did it put a strain on your relationship? A: Strangely enough, Pat and I got closer around eleventh grade when I left Flower Mound High School and started to go to TAMS. We were friends before that, but we hardly ever hung out or even texted. When I left, it made me really think about who I wanted to keep in touch with. I made group chats with all my Flower Mound friends and made sure to make time for the people I wasn’t willing to leave behind. Patrick and I started talking more often because of this and now we’re closer than ever before. Q: How do you make time to keep in touch? A: Depending on how busy we are, we have different ways of making sure we don’t become too distant. Obviously, texting and snapchatting are a given, but we also use the website rabb.it to watch movies and binge shows together. Even if he’s busy, I send him memes on Twitter and tag him in Tumblr posts for him to see when he has free time. When Patrick’s back in town, he visits me at UTD and we hit up our favorite spot (Torchy’s Tacos) as often as possible. This summer, we’ve started going to the gym together everyday to make up for lost time. Q: You’ve been friends for a long time. Do you feel like you know everything about each other or are there still things left to discover? A: Anyone who knows Patrick will agree that he’s kind of a mysterious guy. Not in a traditionally secretive, distant, aloof sort of way - he’s far too jovial for that - but in a way that sneaks up on you. It keeps things interesting because his consistently cheerful demeanor distracts you from the fact that you don’t know little things - like his middle name or where he lives - despite having known him for five years. Although I think I know Patrick better than most people, I still always feel like there’s more backstory to unlock with him. I love that after all this time I’m still able to learn new things about my best friend. Q: Do you have any advice for people worried about losing touch with their friends who are moving? A: Be understanding, be flexible, and be creative. It’s important to remember that people get busy and you may not have as much time for each other as you want. Just because you don’t talk as much for a while doesn’t mean either of you care any less, and there are still ways to stay connected. Q: In one line, addressing your best friend, say something you’ve always wanted to tell them. A: I know you have a lot going on and it gets pretty stressful at times, but it’s inspiring how you manage to balance it all and still be the most positive person I know. |
Photos by Tanvi Khanduri